Friday 25 May 2012

FRIDAY FICTIONEERS - 25 May 2012 - MOTH INVASION - My 100 Words - Sussan De Allura


MOTH INVASION


         My partner is an Entomologist. Ironically, I have an excruciating timidity around insects.  We've come to rural Mississippi for Jacs' field research.
         Jacs' piercings and tattoos and my “time traveler from Woodstock” getup, provoke gawking and jeering from the backwoods' residents. “Lesbos”, they sneer, but Jacs enthusiasm is unabated.
         Today's mission: a Hog-Fest on Micky D's French Fries!
         Jacs spotted them instantly. “Look, a Polyphemus Moth! The gorgeous green one is a Luna Moth. Fantastic!”
         Then more came. Before we knew it, clouds of huge Moths engulfed the jeep.
         “Jacs!” I screamed and screamed and screamed.



29 comments:

  1. I've never heard of a moth invasion before. But then if Alfred Hitchcock could turn birds against us...why not moths, too? Fun story. Quite the visual.

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    2. Thanks Rochelle! Yes, there really are Moth invasions, no lie! To say that there just might be even WORSE things than that! I really like that you had some fun, and that you likened me in anyway to Alfred Hitchcock..WOW! I Love him!! No kidding!

      Best of all I love that you got an actual visual...what more could I ask, as this is one goal I aspire to?

      I really do appreciate your taking the time to read and comment on my post.

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  2. Excellent! Nice setup, with the backstory of Jacs and partner in the woods. How do you people know moth varieties? I can't even get tree and flower names in my shrinking brain. And, yes, Rochelle, there are moth invasions – I remember when they completely covered our windows at night.

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    1. Thanks Carlos!

      I just goggled until I found the right moths. fascinating stuff that got me sidetracked for quite a while. And Yes, indeed there really are Moth invasions!

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  3. Nice little set up - complete with backstory, Sussin. I can see it as a Horror movie. They always have that backwoods set up and then. Eek, devoured by giant moths!
    Lindaura
    as usual,
    Mine is here:
    http://fictionvictimtoo.blogspot.com

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    1. Thank you, Linda!

      The real problem here is: I used to love Horror movies and somewhere along the line I stopped being afraid. Damn!!!

      Knowing that you most likely appreciate all movies that give you a rush, I am very sorry that MOTHERA ever got on cellulite...

      oops! My bad...I think that just might not be the word I was looking for. Isn't that the bumpy cottage cheese like stuff hanging off of me everywhere?

      Good Grief! ;-) xo s

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  4. Nicely handled back story. The invasion of moths was unexpected, very clever. Here's mine: http://melodypearson.com/flash-fiction/may-25-2012-moths/

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    1. Thank you very much AMelodyGalloway!

      I love hearing that my stories could supply a surprise or two. I can not wait to read yous!

      BTW..."clever" geeze, I am blushing! I have always wanted to be clever... Truth!!

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  5. Not where I expected the story to go but a nice twist. Hope there will be a continuation. Here's mine: http://postcardfiction.com/2012/05/25/despite-your-intentions/

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    1. Thank you Janet!

      I really like that you stopped by for a look and especially appreciate you expressing your little surprise. Gotta tell ya, the hardest part for me is the slicing and dicing it takes to edit my words and thoughts and have any of it make sense from where I started. Sometimes it is hard to let go and move on. If the need or provocation should arise, I assure you the story has a couple or so, lives, that are screaming for expression. ;-)

      Can't wait to read yous..that will be tomorrow.

      cheers!

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  6. Fantastic! Aaaaah, moths!

    I like the narrator and the natural, matter-of-fact voice. Cool cool cool. It's nice to be back.

    Mine's here: http://thecolorlime.wordpress.com/2012/05/25/landing-98/

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    1. Thank you The Lime,

      I very much appreciate that and I must give credit to my extraordinary editor. ;-)

      Can't wait to read yours...that will be tomorrow.

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  7. One or two is nice, but when we have things blotting out the sun, we're at plague level. I'da been nervous too! Creepy! Nice job.

    My attempt: http://unduecreativity.wordpress.com/2012/05/24/chasing-the-divine/

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    1. No kidding, CC! Thanks! Nothing I love better then evoking nervousness, sadness, pain and sorrow. Oh almost forgot...I love equally the opposite of these.

      Truly thanks for stopping by for a look and for a "take" on what I am presenting. Can not wait to read and comment on yours as well, come tomorrow.

      BTW...I am open to ANY comments or critiques!

      I find this all so very much fun!

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  8. I liked it I wonder if the moths like big macs too. =)
    here is mine http://yaralwrites.com/

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    1. Can't wait to read you 100 words! thanks for checking out my post.

      Frankly, I am not really sure about very much about moths, last I heard they liked wool and fur...oh my!...and who wouldn't like BigMacs? ;-)

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    2. Oh I am so sorry! I intended to say that I look forward to reading your, as well. I will most certainly make comment. sdm

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  9. I guess the local moths don't like outsiders either??

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    1. Either? hummmmmm...I will have to get back to you on that one newpillowbook...
      Thanks for looking, reading and commenting.
      sdl

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  10. That was a surprise ending, with a touch of horror Hitchcock style. I think the only thing I'd suggest as far as crit goes would be the last phrase. There's something about 'screamed and screamed and screamed' that just doesn't sound as scary as just ending with "Jacs," I screamed. If you want to add more, add another bit of frantic or panicked dialogue maybe. Overall, it was a very imaginative response to a pretty difficult prompt!

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    1. Thank you Madison. Yes, I know what you mean as I troubled over that last line a lot, really a lot! See? If my first person POV (that is where it started) the narrator, if it is so. I have been living with this couple since you first posted the photo prompt! Dang! all I can tell you is that the 1st person or narrator how ever it boils down...(who has a name: Elise) really WOULD scream and scream and scream. so in the end I did not edit nor did my editor friend. She is a very "bugged" kind of gal. Who knows? In 100 words it is even hard for me to say thank you. I do hear what you are saying and I think it is very valid...kept me up a night or two.
      Thank you, thank you, thank you!
      (big smile on my face)

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    2. Sussin, I totally understood where you were going with the last line and I prefer it as it is.
      Got to say that the one scream was not enough. I must disagree with Madison.
      Here is why:
      If you scream once, you are crying out for help. The second scream means that help has not arrived yet. The third scream means that help is never going to arrive. That was the menace and the horror of the story and why everyone like it so much.
      There you have it.
      Love to you all,
      Linda

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    3. Absolutely! I agree 100%.
      Thanks Linda

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    4. OH my gosh Linda. I hope you did not think I was referring to you as "A bugged kinda gal"! I was referring to the screamer, just in case you wondered. Thanks again and again and again! just a little joke. ;-)

      Madison, please do not stop commenting. I really appreciate your valuable feedback.
      Love to all, as well!
      Sussin.

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  11. Chilling...

    Here's mine: http://logo-ligi.com/2012/05/25/mothballs/

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    1. Thank you....I have had some trouble getting to your 100 words... I'll get there. Do I need to join some other blog spot?

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  12. Started so softly and quickly become asphyxiating. Well done.

    Here's mine: http://thebradleychronicles.wordpress.com/2012/05/24/flash-fiction-friday-almost/

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  13. Thank you very much. I like your take and that is just my mind was going...asphyxiating!

    Sussan De Allura

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