Friday 27 April 2012

FRIDAY FICTIONEERS - 27 April 2012 - My 100 Words - Sussan De Allura


Evil Is

         Not one shred of fear is left in me.  This is kill or be killed and I know that escaping from this mad man is no longer my prime objective.  A ferocity so intense grows in me, filling me with energy and a sharp and clear-thinking mind.
         I gaze around his house of horrors.  It is so vile, the horrid bêtes noires has an extensive collection of barbwire, each 18”sample now desecrated in dry blood.  Each has a date, a name and a rating...a rating!  I am going to kill this abomination.
         Strangely I look forward to the pleasure...


21 comments:

  1. I can't believe you got it in there! That old Barbed Wire Museum! I couldn't figure out how to do it, but you did a fabulous job. And you got it in on Friday!!!
    Good show, great show. great!

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  2. Thank you lovely Linda. It was fun. Looks like fun for me pretty creepy. So be it!

    Sussan De Allura here.

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  3. "Date, name and rating" on barbed wire. A masterful touch of horror there. Good one.

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    1. Sweet! Thank you Sandra! Sussan here, just haven't fixed all of the kinks in my sign on. I would love to read some of your stuff, too. Feel free to send me any links.

      sda

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  4. I liked the samples of barbed wire hanging with tags - a very creative visual it created! In the second sentence, I'd strike the word "that" and the phrase "..ferocity so intense.." I would change to An intense ferocity grows in me." I'm guilty of using the filler words too and don't even notice them until a reader points them out. Otherwise, it flows great and gives the reader a definite idea that something horrid is going to happen if this character doesn't take action!

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    1. Thanks Madison. Those are very good suggestions! I usually try to find my story, once my brain lets me have it. After that i try to arrange words in my mind and write it with as few of all of that filler stuff. So far I get to 165 words...and then the slicing and cutting of words begins. I am beginning to like that part too. Sometimes I must ruthless!

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  5. I love the little details you throw in here, Sussan, like the rating on the wires and the phrase "desecrated in blood". You depict the change in the narrator from hunted to hunter and have us firmly rooting for her at the end. Can't wait to read more from you.

    I'm over here: http://elmowrites.wordpress.com/2012/04/27/friday-fiction-soul-memories/

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    1. Thanks Elmo, I appreciate your kind and encouraging words. I will check out your link. Sussan

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  6. First of all...Welcome to FridayFictioneers Sussan. Your story really creeped me out because we KNOW there are degenerates like him out there today. I pray you're successful in getting this evil devil. Here's mine:
    www.triplemoonstar.blogspot.com

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    1. Thanks, Lora! I appreciate the welcome and the story creeped me out too, I hope That character, now created, can get pretty tough, pretty fast.
      Sussan

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  7. There was indeed something creepy about it...particularly the ending. Looking forward to the pleasure. Love the irony.
    Here's mine. www.rochelle-wisoff.blogspot.com

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    1. Thanks Rochelle! I can't wait to read yours, too. Sussan here

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  8. A wonderful story, macabre and sinister.
    The idea dating, naming and rating of each horrific piece of barbed wire certainly added to the horror.

    Here is one of the two I wrote this week:
    http://mjshorts.wordpress.com/2012/04/27/the-frightened-mob-a-100-word-story/

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    1. Thanks MJ, I will check out your story today!

      Sussan

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  10. Dark and suspenseful--loved it! Great take on the prompt and the imagry raised gooseflesh. Well done!

    Mine:http://www.vlgregory-circa1800.vpweb.com/blog.html

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    1. Wow thanks Palooski! I appreciate your feedback very much. Ii plan to find some time to read your 100 words.

      Sussan

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  11. Oh, I love it - it's the turning point in the more brutal horror films, when the final victim really gets her/their resolve together to off the monster once and for all. Like the gnarly use of the barbed wire here. Nasty but carried off with panache. Great work!

    My entry is over here: http://joannakneilson.wordpress.com/2012/04/27/flash-fiction-friday-wire-pilgrimage/

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    1. Thanks Joanna! I love your response and it is very encouraging! I am amazed with the process of writing some cohesiveness bit reduced to 100 words. I like that it was able to touch a nerve....a dark, dark nerve. lol

      I look forward to reading yours!

      Sussan

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